With all the yabang that I had in my drawings back then, I signed-up for the art club in my High School, only to be rejected afterwards. I couldn’t believe it. Me? Get Rejected? Eh ang galing-galing ko mag-drawing. Bitterness ensued. No, you’re not really an artist. Your friend’s better than you because she got accepted. And thus ended any more pursuit in arts save for the occasional Anime fanart drawing in sketchpads. Never took arts seriously since that day.
Then it crept in, like an itch you’ve been wanting to scratch since college. With all the compliments you’ve been getting from all the uneccesarily grandiose powerpoints you’ve enjoyed making, the idea that ‘your artistic and probably that’s what you should’ve been doing all along’ forms at the back of your head.
And now, I’m in art school for a Second Degree. And for somebody who’s being used to being complimented to what she had been doing, who’s used to being the best at what she does, it pretty much sucks. Everybody draws better than you. You’ll bound to be classmates with someone who has kick-ass Photoshop and Illustrator Skills. Everybody paints, takes photographs better than you. You feel like an amateur. What was considered as your best work can sometimes pale in comparison with someone else’s work.
Then you realize how everything relates to how you value yourself. How everything can become a test of confidence. You can’t get your value from pleasing others, because you can’t please everybody. You can’t get your value from being the best, because there’s always someone bound to be better or worse than you. Everything boils down to trusting yourself. Because when you trust yourself, you don’t mind if someone does not like you (or your work), you don’t feel bad if someone did better than you. You’ll just say, It’s Okay. I’ll do better next time. I did what I thought was best.