And just like before, I find myself opening Yahoo! Messenger (YM), a part of a daily routine including reading emails, checking facebook/tumblr/email, fixing yourself up, and getting coffee from the pantry. It seems like the favorite way of communicating across offices in Manila, regardless of industry, and as long as internet is allowed and free, is YM. What greets you are a couple of smiley faces and small pictures, vague status messages inviting the curious for a quick conversation, links that the person is currently digging at the moment and so on.
So why am I writing this?
Opening YM somehow is a reminder of where I am currently. Referring to my profile, I can say that I am back on the ship, the one that I said I jumped from almost a year earlier. What the hell right? Yes, that’s the same reaction that I get every time I catch up with someone. And the question What happened? too. This girl who bravely/foolishly, (however you like to view it) pursued her passion had back-slided. What happened? That’s the question I ask myself, those times that I find myself idle. I would sometimes answer, life happened, as with any other excuse I encounter when hearing other people’s stories.
But I don’t want this to sound defeated.
I would like to think that this is a choice. Though there’s still a part of me that says that I gave in easily, that I took the easy way out, that I didn’t want it enough as the good ol’ self-help sites say, I would like to think that I chose to do this because I am unselfish, that I wanted to help, that I want to lessen the talk on money problems often at the dinner table. But ultimately, I chose to do this because I want the freedom to do things – things that I can do when I know that I’m not limited financially, while I’m still young, while I can still do it. I’m not willing to give up convenience for the sake of blindly pursuing something.
So for those who are willing to do so, I admire you, for it is not easy to go that route in life.
So what about graphic design? What about passion? It has been the same as before. I love it, I still love looking at different brands, logos and well-executed corporate stationery. I know a lot more things before I bolted out but there are lots of things that I still don’t know, and not able to do. I’m not provided the opportunity to learn and fail my way to being a Great Designer just like how newbie art graduates do so fresh from college. I would like to get so much better at it, and I am really yearning that I would still be able to do it sometime in the future. As a business, or something to do at the side. I’ll need to push myself to do that in the future. To have the guts to sell myself, that I can do it, that I can do your logo, or your branding. To seriously improve. To be passionate enough to just do it.
So what now?
I definitely want to transform this love of design to something concrete. So it would be a matter of blogging it, of doing design, of sharing artsy stuff, though I doubt that anyone cares. But still.
It would probably be a matter of keeping the love of art and design alive, which probably will come easy since I’m once again at the opposite site of things.
So back to Yahoo Messenger, where your friends list is a reminder of the lives you’ve lived, and a reminder that, well, you can’t really close a door on something. Sometime in the future, they might be the people that you’re going to work with, regardless of where your choices took you.